Sunday, 11 December 2011

December blues

For months I have been saying How much I am looking forward to this Christmas and New Year. I really wanted to put this year behind me. December so far has been a really tough month. There is so much pressure for us all to be happy at this time of year and forget all the bad things. How exactly are you supposed to do that? I really want to have a fab Xmas for the sake of my girls. Its incredible but in the space of one week it has been brought to my attention that three young ladies with Breast Cancer have secondary Breast Cancer or recurrence. How crap is that? You try your hardest to escape from this Breast Cancer bubble but there are constant reminders everywhere pulling you back in. 

I know this is not like me to write like this. My intention is not to dampen everyone else's holiday spirit, I just wanted to be honest about how I am feeling. I am on new medication too which does not seem to be agreeing with me. I have spent the weekend on the sofa. I lie my hubby did take me to a cafe for lunch yesterday where I just played with my food as I do not seem to have an appetite. 

I think I have been a bit to optimistic really about this year. Maybe now I have got it off my chest my mood will improve. 


  1. Being jolly just because it's December is one of the most fraudulent things about the month.

    I think it's tough for a lot of people and so many just pretend to be happy and hyper when inside they are dying a have even more reason to feel down and blue - you've had an incredibly tough year.

    Maybe try and erase your normal expectations for this month and just take it as it comes - be laid back about it, if you can. I am sure your family are just so grateful to have you that you probably don't really need to go all out to make christmas special. :)

  2. Hey chick,
    I completely agree with Wendz comment above, it's MORE than likely that your family are just so glad to have you but yes, I totally agree, hearing that some of our friends & blogging buddies have secondaries just p*sses me right off too.
    I find with the Zoladex that my mood begins to turn sour about 3 to 5 days after my injection but then begins to brighten again after week 2....wish it was sooner but I just have to try to not put too much pressure on myself in the first 2 weeks after having it.
    2011 has been completely crap, I can't wait to see the bloody back of it!
    We both had a similar, really good prognosis' cos neither of us had any spread to the lymph nodes, I just have to keep reminding myself of that!
    Your mood will pick up again, I promise you, it's just the medication.
    Take care honey, sending you lots of hugs, I'm on the other end of the phone at anytime if you need me.
    Lotsa love. ♥ xx

  3. Every year I think 'this Christmas is going to be great,' but it never is, it's hard work, impossible expectations & usually a disappointment. Christmas is just this huge upheaval that's thrust upon us at the same time every year no matter what is going in our lives. We are supposed to get all caught up in the excitement when in reality I think most people are just wishing it would go away. I've spent the last 4 days decorating, normally it takes a day but I'm so not in the zone, it's been a real struggle. I haven't done my cards so I feel guilty about that, I only have a couple of gifts put away for ds2 which we bought months ago.

    Everyone I've spoken too lately seems to have the same block, so Clare I'm not surprised that you are not bursting with the Christmas spirit, you have soooo much on your plate at the moment. Just take it easy, view Christmas as a distraction but not as something you have put a huge effort into. Your family couldn't ask for more than to have you sitting with them for Christmas dinner & I'm sure they're not expecting you to produce the sort of Christmas we only see in movies. Hugs, Jan

  4. I understand how you feel. My counsellor taught me this: look at the bad stuff/thing, acknowledge it with your eyes open, then choose to look at something good (like your girls). This does work, takes a little practice. Let your family celebrate that you are here with them. The best gift ever xxxx

  5. Hi Clare,
    You are right in saying that Christmas is a time we are all expected to be in high spirits and being quite the opposite is apparently frowned upon. You have alot going on, cast aside the pressures of what you think is "expected" and go with your true feelings. If you're down, accept it and move on....the less pressure you put on yourself the better you may feel. xx

  6. Sending Big Big Hugs your way Clare, I'm just going to go with the other ladies and say just accept that you have been through sooo! much and don't beat yourself up to much and just focus on your family.
    Bollocks! to the tinsel and the tree,youve done amazing this year ,just look forward not back x
    XX Manda XX

  7. Thank you everyone for your lovely comments. I will do my best to just relax and let Xmas be what it is. A quiet family Xmas sounds fab to honest xx