Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Just a quick post as I,m going to be busy now until next week. Its my mates Festival this weekend, we are taking "Polly Dolly" to her first festival. Luckily its not far from the hospital so that's good for Friday and Mondays appointment.

The treatment is going fine, its started to feel like I have prickly heat in the area but there is nothing you can do about that. Yesterday the appointment was a total farce but there was nothing anyone could do about that. There are basically 2 radiotherapy machines and one of them broke. So we were all crammed onto the one machine, and fair play to the staff they rang Sunday night to say the appointment had been moved from midday to 4.45. I turned up and was told to go away for another hour as there was a queue. I returned only to have to wait another 1 and 1/2, I eventually got home at 9 pm last night. 

I wonder if this happens to anyone else, I bought a convenient frozen fish pie on the way home last night, and I always burn my mouth on those pies when cooked. These pies never seem to cool down and when they suddenly do they have completely dried up. Don't know why I bought it really, they are always a disappointment.

The running is going really well, have ran 3 miles each day for the last 3 days. I have decided to do a local 10km race in our town in 7 weeks. I even paid for the entry fee so that I can't back out. Its actually called "Race the Train" and the idea is you race the old steam train in the town. I will not be racing the train!! Just competing is a challenge for me and all the sponsor money is for "Marie Curie" which is a brilliant cancer charity.

Fingers crossed for a dry weekend, will speak next week.

Sunday, 26 June 2011

Mind over matter!

I would firstly like to say thank you to all the lovely comments of support on my blog and text messages to my phone. It really does help, I know I will be fine it can just seem overwhelming  at times. So 3 sessions done and all is well, the need for reconstruction is becoming more evident daily as the swelling goes down. The reconstruction is not offered automatically but they are happy to offer the service if you are unhappy. I have to be careful what I wear now as I do not want to upset anyone accidentally. 

I got home Friday afternoon and started working and did not finish until Saturday night with the help of my family. I am fortunate that I can take in a lot of clients linen from Holiday cottage lets we manage. This has allowed me to work from home the whole time since diagnosis and still bring in an income. My house became a chinese laundry for the duration and it was chucking it down through-out the day yesterday, very little opportunity to dry anything outside. Unfortunately the time spent going for treatment over the next month will mean I have to do this on a weekend when I'm free. So we decided to work our backsides of so that today we had no work or hospital to attend, and guess what the sun has finally come out too, its to good to be true really.

So my house is clean as I did this also yesterday in between washing and ironing loads and my work admin is all up to date, the day is free for whatever I want to do. Maybe I just have SADS because when I woke up this morning to the first rays of sun in a very long time I felt so much better. I even contemplated very seriously going for a run, I have not been since before diagnosis and I am starting to feel I could go again. I really want to but I seem to keep talking myself out of it, I know I won't get far as my energy level are low. Actually I have thought about it and I,m going to go, its still early so there will be no one around, its what I need to do, no more excuses.

I DID IT!! I stopped writing and I went for a run, its was great. I was out for 1/2 an hour, bit slower than normal but I kept going and I didn't take any short cuts. Its so nice to run along the prom on a morning like this with the only people out and about are dog walkers and paper boy/girls. So that's it now no more excuses, its time to get back in shape and lose some weight!

Thursday, 23 June 2011

Yesterday I started the radiotherapy which was totally fine until I returned home  and had this impeding dread that I have to go back today and everyday for 5 weeks. I know some people work the whole time through treatment but I have  to take 5 hours out of everyday to receive mine. I have woken up today feeling awful, I really cannot face the journey , I have taken my anti sickness tablets to help with the nausea but my whole body feels awful like it just wants to stay in bed and sleep. I hope I have a bug because I will not get through this if this is a mental issue. Today though we are going to take a picnic and stop somewhere afterwards before going to the caravan for the night. I have to try to do different things to make the daily experience bearable.

 I came home yesterday as my youngest had her prom night, I told her she could have some friends round for pre prom drinks as I want everything to be as normal as can be for her. So I had a house full of teenagers for an hour, they were so well behaved and they all looked so lovely dressed up. 

 Kayleigh and her 2 best friends.

Kayleigh's prom date (below) was one of the few that gave their dates corsages it was so sweet.

When we took them up to the school to catch their coach is was really sad, I know I keep saying this but I feel so old all of a sudden. Of she went with all her friends and they all looked so grown-up that its hard not to feel sad. These last few months have been mentally challenging for me with the girls lives changing one way or another.

Maybe I am down in general and that's why I can't face the hospital today, I know my mood swings are exhausting for everyone including myself ( bloody tamoxifen). I know I have put weight on which is probably due to doing very little exercise and maybe the the drugs too. I just need to give myself a slap and stop feeling sorry for myself, I have got this easy compared to some people.

Saturday, 18 June 2011

Crocus Walk

Today was the Crocus Walk which is a charity event to raise money for Breast Cancer and other cancer research. So Su, Kayleigh, myself and cupcake gathered with lots of other lovely people and their dogs to raise money. Off we all went in our pink ensembles and balloons, even Cupcake wore her pink T-shirt too and looked really cute. Hopefully lots of money was raised for a good cause.

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

I am too young to be an empty nester!

I have had an exhausting 3 days driving up North and down South, I was so grateful to get home to my own bed last night. I had a great weekend in Manchester with friends, 11 of us stayed in my friends house, I got the comfy bed while everyone else was in tents. I am a glamper not a camper it really does not excite me sleeping in a cold tent on the floor in the rain. Did I feel rotten for everyone in the morning because they where cold and had little sleep, yes a did but not enough to give up my bed. 

So 4 of us went to see "Take That" and it seems everyone has been to see them when you talk to people. Amazing concert it was very nostalgic as we all felt like we were 16 again when the "Pet Shop Boys" came on. Robbie of course stole the show and when he sang "Angels" there were lots of tears. The show was like having 4 concerts in one it was worth the ticket price definitely. The getting home was the traumatic thing, it took 2 hours of walking and queueing in the cold before we got a Taxi. we were at the point that extortionate rates would of been honoured just to get home.

We arrived home Sunday afternoon for a quick change of clothes and then we headed of to Birmingham with the girls for the night. We decided that driving an 11 hour round trip to take Chloe to her new unit was too much. So we broke the journey slightly. So the morning finally arrived I know she was nervous and excited. She handled it really well and she was one of the youngest joining up. We went on a tour of the Training Unit when they had been taken away and that's when the panic set it. I just felt shes too young for this, and I,m her mum not some Major who doesn't understand her. I went through it myself when I was 16 so I do know she will be OK but shes still my little girl. It was funny because we caught a glimpse of her before we left taking her things to her accommodation block. Everyone else was carrying their stuff but Chloe for some reason had 2 army girls helping her carry her stuff, visions of Goldie Hawn in "Private Benjamin" sprung to mind which is what I was called at times. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

So it was when I got home and saw her empty room that it hit me she has gone. This is not a tantrum and she has packed her stuff and moved out and would return in several days, this is the real thing and I really do feel I am too young for this. I still feel like a child myself, its so true what they say "they grow up in a blink of an eye". I still have my other daughter who will probably never leave home, we hoped yesterday might of inspired her but the only thing that brought a smile to her face where the PTI's in the gym. Like mother like daughter as my hubby is a PTI too.

Thursday, 9 June 2011

The joys of Tamoxifen!

Had a lovely meal out the other night with my family to say goodbye to Chloe, slight delay eating as on arrival hubby realised he had left his wallet at home so he left me and the girls to drive 20 minutes to get it. 

Yesterday Chloe and myself were invited out to lunch with Chloe,s boss to say goodbye to her. Lynne has been more than a boss to her, she has been there when things got tough at home and she did stay there temporarily so we could all sort some differences out at times. I know Lynne looks at her as the daughter she never had and I felt really sad for her because I know she doesn't want Chloe to go. So we had a lovely afternoon first in the restaurant last out. 

I was supposed to go the caravan afterwards but I was exhausted after getting home. This is something I have noticed recently that although I love socialising and seeing friends within a few hours I,m shattered. I know my stamina is down a few levels and I cannot drink very much anymore. I can be drunk very easily on 1 or 2 drinks this is apparently a side effect of Tamoxifen. I am going away this weekend to stay with  friends and see "Take That" and I am really concerned about how tired I am at the moment. I really don't want to be a party pooper but I seem to hit the wall very quickly at the moment. 

I had a week of being Tamoxifen free so the doctor could see if the nausea disappeared and it did. It was a lovely week in the fact everything was clearer again in my head, I was not waking up with a hangover even when I had not had a drink and I was more rational than emotional. I am now 3 day in again and its all starting again my head is full of really thick cotton wool today and I,m hungover. I am meeting somebody today who has been on Tamoxifen for 4 years so I have got plenty of questions to ask her.

I am determined to go into my kitchen and do some baking today, as I have promised to take some cakes tomorrow and the kids asked me to make them lasagna ( I have not cooked for months). So I will now drag myself to the shower and get myself motivated.

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Staying positive!

Finally received a courtesy car today 5 days after the incident, yes we have written a letter of complaint to the insurance asking why we pay for a service they cannot honour. Early indications from the garage are that the car has been written off. We have decided not to spend a lot on a new one, reasons below:

1. We have had 2 cars written off in 4 months ( one was my daughters fault while learning to drive, the irony is she is going to be a driver in the Army).

2. After seeing what a simple accident can do to cars I really cannot justify spending lots of money on them anymore. I had a different attitude years ago but the way I see it is as long as it gets you from A to B who cares what make, model and year it is. As long as its powerful enough to pull Polly Dolly then job done.

So I have decided not to let things get me down anymore, things happen for a reason, I am sure the reason for the last 6 months will become apparent soon.

I,m OK with Hubby being posted away again at the end of the year, I have done it for many years and I can do it again. 

Had a CT scan yesterday so that my measurements could be worked out for Radiotherapy, really straightforward with 3 tiny tattoo marks placed on skin to help with alignment.
I now have 2 whole weeks away from hospitals or doctors it brilliant.

We are taking Chloe out for a leaving meal tonight as she has 6 days left at home. The house will seem really empty but then again Kayleigh and Darren are still here. Its been quite strange lately, its gone from me working full time , Daz working away, and the girls being in college and school. Then for the last month we have all been at home full time as Kay also left school to start GCSE. Its been like an extended Xmas in a way without the holiday stress.

Saturday, 4 June 2011

When will I get a break.

This week has turned into a nightmare to be honest and I have to ask myself  when am I going to get a break. First off Hubby finds out that some Female who was to be honest a knob on the phone informs him that he is not posted to this unit and as soon as I am better he is out of here. We have no idea where or when, if we had been told he was home for 6 months while I got through treatment I would off been fine with it, but to be told 2 months in that even though the paper work says for three years its not true and someone should off told Darren. Her shoulders were very sloppy and she was not taking any responsibility for the problem even though its actually her job. She was so rude and defensive on the phone that it was obvious she knew she was in the wrong. Well believe me this is not the last off it, I will make sure of that. What incentive does this give me to get through my treatment, I honestly felt so depressed on Thursday.

Then yesterday a tourist drove into our parked car and caused loads of damage. It was so bad it had to be towed away. So it is a bummer and we have to hope its not written off as its an old car and very reliable but we would not get a lot of money back for it so we will be screwed . So we contact the insurance to organise a courtesy car, they are happy and tell us it will be with us in 24 hrs. I have a 2 hour drive to hospital first thing Monday morning so we really need it. Still no car today, after lots of phone calls we are told we cannot have a car until Monday afternoon at the earliest due to our rural location. They have advised us to take a taxi to the hospital (4 hour round trip) and claim the money back.  I know I have a works van and i love it loads but its not something to take on long drives it can be very tippy and slow. So I have no idea what we will do. I am so angry though it wasn't even our fault.

So I feel its time I had some good luck the last 6 months have been rubbish. I did see a medium the other day and the first thing she said was "you have had a tough 6 months", you don't say I thought.

Thursday, 2 June 2011

A quiet week!

I know its been a week since I last posted but it has been a slow news week here for me. Mind you every week is at the moment the only places I seem to go are the hospital or the caravan. Yes I made a weekly trip to one of the various hospitals I frequent on Tuesday, it was just a check up and a lot of syringed fluid taken from the wound, not pleasant but nothing to drastic. I have a C T scan next week and some tattoos (apparently very tiny) placed on the old tumour site and then I get a whole week off from appointments, that has not happened in months, I cant wait.

My hubby and myself took our daughter today to swear allegiance to the Queen, she no longer belongs to us she is the property of the British Army. They have brought her dates forward so she now goes in 10 days, so she needs to enjoy the last few days of civilian life, what an adventure she is going on, so bloody jealous.

Some friends that we met last year through a friend of a friend popped to the caravan to see us and enjoy a BBQ and cocktails. The pimms were lovely but Daz got confused half way through making Margaritas and finished them off as Mohitos. It was different, I don't think it will take off though.

So because my life has become very boring recently I have not been shopping for my pretty things like I used too. Here are a few things I have bought quite recently though.

This is a vintage clothes airer.

A cute baby Weber BBQ 

A cute blue tiny draining board from "Happy Loves Rosie" website

A new sign for the caravan door.

I am now going for a evening walk along the prom with the dogs and hopefully hubby will buy me an ice cream.