Yesterday I started the radiotherapy which was totally fine until I returned home and had this impeding dread that I have to go back today and everyday for 5 weeks. I know some people work the whole time through treatment but I have to take 5 hours out of everyday to receive mine. I have woken up today feeling awful, I really cannot face the journey , I have taken my anti sickness tablets to help with the nausea but my whole body feels awful like it just wants to stay in bed and sleep. I hope I have a bug because I will not get through this if this is a mental issue. Today though we are going to take a picnic and stop somewhere afterwards before going to the caravan for the night. I have to try to do different things to make the daily experience bearable.
I came home yesterday as my youngest had her prom night, I told her she could have some friends round for pre prom drinks as I want everything to be as normal as can be for her. So I had a house full of teenagers for an hour, they were so well behaved and they all looked so lovely dressed up.
Kayleigh and her 2 best friends.
Kayleigh's prom date (below) was one of the few that gave their dates corsages it was so sweet.
When we took them up to the school to catch their coach is was really sad, I know I keep saying this but I feel so old all of a sudden. Of she went with all her friends and they all looked so grown-up that its hard not to feel sad. These last few months have been mentally challenging for me with the girls lives changing one way or another.
Maybe I am down in general and that's why I can't face the hospital today, I know my mood swings are exhausting for everyone including myself ( bloody tamoxifen). I know I have put weight on which is probably due to doing very little exercise and maybe the the drugs too. I just need to give myself a slap and stop feeling sorry for myself, I have got this easy compared to some people.