Monday 28 March 2011

I am home now and feeling sore, tired and emotional. It was a very intense experience but I can honestly say I have now accepted I have breast cancer and have cried enough yesterday to last a lifetime.

I arrived on the ward Thursday morning feeling scared and knowing Darren was leaving any minute and that I wouldn't  see him for 2 days was not helping. I was then introduced to the 3 elderly ladies I would be spending the next 4 days with who were having the same surgery as me. They were so kind if not motherly towards me, I just felt so lonely. I thought how on earth could they understand what I,m going through your all twice my age if not more. I was so rude I put my headphones on and pretended none of it was happening.

After a few hours of realising how childish I was behaving I went and sat with the ladies, and how wrong could I have been it doesn't matter how old you are breast cancer still leaves you devastated, scared and angry. It was great being with people in exactly the same situation who I knew really understood what I was feeling, I know for them too it was the first time they had really opened up to anyone. I think we were therapy for each other. We did what women do best we talked, we laughed (lots) and listened and we were there for each other.

I wish Val, Elizabeth and Betty all the best for the future.

I am really happy with the scars, I don't think they will be visible with low cut tops. I wore my new pink chavvy tracksuit home which has PINK written across the bum. I bought it especially for the campaign. I reckon theres a bit of chav in us all, well maybe quite a bit in me. I know a lots of my friends were wearing pink on Friday when I had the op which was cool, apart from Su who has to wear it everyday as its our work uniform.


8 comments:

  1. I think every Brit has a tiny bit of chav in them! It is horrible being unwell, but we absolutely must try and stay positive - at the end of the day, its no good stressing over the things we don't have control over! I myself have been rather unwell the past year, but I'm happy to say I'm getting there, hair is growing back, tablets are working well - keep strong, and know that there are lots of people wishing you well. Lots of love to you xxx

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  2. Thinking of you and wishing you well!!
    -x-

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  3. I am glad that you are feeling up to having a little nosey around some blogs!! Yes, you are right........you must get some of those lovely lanterns for your divine caravan!

    I am so jealous of that van! All of my life my family (mum & dad, nan & grandad, uncles) have owned caravans and so I have spent most weekends in a caravan on the Kent coast. Infact 2 years before we moved to Whitstable, we owned one down here and that is what made us make our decision that it would be a better life here! It is, but I still miss getting away from all the housework and everything at our little caravan!
    -x-

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  4. Dear friend across the pond,
    I've just been sitting here after reading your post thinking ,what on earth can I say that might help....well, it just bloody well rots that you have to go through this...I am so sorry..I think all the time how would I deal with this...I guess we never know until we are faced with it.. I do know what it is like to go through rough times. I can say that finding a way to put your brain somewhere else does help....read down my list of blogs I follow. There are some that are so wonderful. Add them to your list , add lots to your list. It is so wonderful to be inspired by all these great people. It's so fun to look forward to seeing the posts everyday. It is a really positive thing...meanwhile I'll be sending happy healing thoughts your way....xo from New England

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  5. Saying a prayer for you.

    Erika

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  6. I thought about you - even though I don't know you, (but that's what blogs do) - and wondered how you were coping.

    I think I'd have been as bolshy as you initially were, out of fear and anger - but I'm so glad you got through that and found some support from the other ladies on the ward. Good on you.

    As for my inner chav - I have to keep her well hidden because my hubby is mostly very "Old-style English" in his tastes and hates anything remotely chavvy - although mind you he does love a bit of Californian, beach surfer-style in some clothing choices. Weird mix, I know. :)

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  7. Hi there ,my thoughts are with you

    wishing you all the best, you have done a lovely
    job on your caravan, love it.

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  8. Hi my friend
    Hope your feeling well! Love the site great way of keeping in touch and love your pretty things! so remind me of you. Hope for an invite to the caravan when you have your "all clear" party!! And the trackie is you all over and the pink will stay on till your over the top of the mountain xx

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