Saturday, 23 July 2011

Hope I never see you again.

Yesterday was one the happiest yet the most emotional days ever. I do not think if someone had told me I had won the euro millions I would off felt happier. 

I was driving myself to the hospital yesterday and I had not even got a few miles down the road before the tears started. Now I have a blog friend called Annie who is really into music and finds profound ( I think that's the right word I just checked it in the dictionary) songs to describe her feeling and emotions. I feel embarrassed to say especially to her  but it was "Take That" that set me off and the song was " The Greatest Day". It is not a good idea to drive while in floods off tears, but once I had started I could not stop, it was proper sobbing. The last time I cried like that was the day of diagnosis. I did not cry in the hospital I was very composed with the doctor, it was when I got back to my car I sobbed hard for a short time. Then I told myself tears will not help, I need to get on with this, get through it and get my life back to normal.

So yesterday was my final session of radiotherapy and I was grinning like a cheshire cat in the waiting room and the treatment room. When I was called through and I lay on the bed getting zapped I had the biggest smile on my face, I thinking the whole time this is the end of this journey for me . I said goodbye to the team and patients I had come to know and told them "I hope never to see them again" . It's funny how such a negative comment can be positive in another situation. I walked back to van happy but tearful yet again. This was yet another battle in my 38 years off life that I had fought and won and I,m really chuffed with myself. Plus I was getting e-mails through on my phone to say people had donated for my charity run and left some lovely messages with their donations, they made me cry too.

I celebrated over lunch with Hubby and a bottle of beer, which I couldn't actually drink in the end, he had to finish it. Still it was a toast to the end of everything and the start of a new chapter.

So today I awoke and feel this is the first day off getting back to normal, I do not want Cancer to be in control of my life any longer. I have already made the plans to gradually get back to work, starting this week. I shall start seeing a few clients a week and build it up till I feel strong enough to be back full time (its a very physical job even when you are healthy). 

This blog was created to show Vintage items and my love of caravans but it has been so brilliant to use as a personal diary for family and friends. I am so thankful for the support the blogging community has given me over the months and hope we remain blogging friends for a long time to come. I am actually a very shy person who can be quite guarded, but not when I,m blogging! Its so weird how you can express yourself so differently on a blog.

Thank you all for your support.


  1. Oh Clare. I don't even know you really but am so utterly taken with your struggle and your courage and determination.

    Today my husband is celebrating 20 years cancer-free - we have a bottle of champagne to open tonight and some expensive steaks to grill - a real feast. It's a happy day. And I hope you one day will also crack open some champers on your 20th cancer-free anniversary.

  2. Yay for finishing your treatment. I finish mine next month. Thank you for sharing with us. xxxx

  3. Fab that you've finished Rads now & brilliant that ur feeling so upbeat!! & I love your blog Clare, don't stop blogging!! Love Chez. xx

  4. So glad it is all over and give me a scare like that again love you xx

  5. So so so so so happy for you!!!! Yahooooooooooo!,,,, lots of xoxoxo from across the pond!!

  6. yeah!!!!!!!!!!! i hope you never see them again too... and woo for the song quotes - i dunno that mine are very profound, i wish they were! - love the take that, we played it as year 11s left school this year & then I had to play the piano after - kept just staring at the music!!!! so glad you got through all the rads - hope you have a fab weeknd xxx

  7. Well done Clare, what a great day to have behind you!! Take it easy for a while & take that lovely caravan off for fun trips, instead of hospital ones. :-) {{{{{hugs}}}}}

  8. What brill news!! Glad we have helped you to get thru this and can't wait for some vintage items and caravanning piccies - now that you can get back to living life to the full!!

  9. Love your blog hun!! You sound like a lovely person, and I really look forward to hearing more from you : )
    Hope you're feeling well, and not working too hard x
    (((( Hugs ))))

    sharon xxx