Its finally sunk in!

I have been away for a few days to the caravan as I had a hospital appointment in Shrewsbury. I have never been to this hospital as it is 2 hours away, if we stay at the caravan it takes 30 mins off the journey. So yesterday we used it as a trial run for when I go daily for radiotherapy.

Since I was diagnosed I have taken it really well, some may say too well, but I really think its because of the lovely breast clinic I spent time in while in Swansea. It not clinical its more like a hotel, and the times I have spent in Aberystwyth hospital have been OK as Ive been on the gynecology ward. Yesterday was completely different as the clinic is for people receiving chemo or radiotherapy, and it really was a horrible place to be. This is meant as no offence to the other patients there but it really is a depressing place to spend time in. I was sat in the waiting room wishing I could be anywhere else and wondering how much trouble I would get into if I walked out. I hold my hat off to staff who work there on a daily basis because its not somewhere I could work.

So I held back the tears and we left the hospital to go in Town to meet my friends for lunch.  I haven't seen Jayne since I was diagnosed this was the first opportunity we had to get together. We had agreed to meet in the restaurant and we got there first, all I could think about was the clinic and cancer. I don't think I realised how serious cancer is and how life changing it can be. I could no longer hold back the tears so by the time Jayne arrived I was in buckets. I was doing everything to stop crying but it was in free fall, It was awful I felt so embarrassed because other diners were looking and Jayne didn't know what to say. I did quickly sort myself out though and Ant her husband told me someone close to him had the same experience when they visited the clinic, so that did make me feel normal. They were great, both very supportive and we did have a lovely afternoon, a great distraction.

I was just so shocked with myself that I had held things together so well and then crumpled so quickly, I had another moment later that night alone with Darren but I think its sorted in my head now. You can never be too sure with this illness though its like being on a roller coaster you have to take each day as it comes.